Drink from that Wishing Well

but may it never quench your thirst

Albert says:
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Originally posted by theidolhands at Albert says:

Gratitude list
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1. My family - they're fun, grounded and offer a side of me I don't express nearly enough.
2. Friends - while we may not see each other as much as I'd like they've still leant their threads to this magnificent cloth that's been weaving in my life - and each contribution is beautiful and unique.
3. Free therapy at school! Looking forward to finally tackling some issues that have eluded me for a while.
4. Shitty professors who try to knock us down - you give me inspiration to work harder.
5. Showers - even though I think they're a pain in my butt and take too much time, they aleviate feeling gross.

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I'm not happy. But I'm open to becoming happy.

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Writer's Block: Defining Moment in the Past 10 Years
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Over the past 10 years if you could identify one defining moment what would that be?

one defining moment?  
there are many beautiful moments which have helped forge me into the person i am today.  however, there is one particularly defining moment: coming out.
entering into the world as a self-identified lesbian changed how the world looked at me, and how i looked at the world.  suddenly rights i'd had my whole life disappeared, i had to be cautious around people out of consideration for their reactions to me, and yet, i felt like the same person inside - just happier.
however, out of the awkward and sometimes difficult experience, i met the love of my life, and had i been looking for a man i would have missed her completely.  but here we are, three years later, she supports and encourages my dreams, and i hers.  it's a beautiful partnership, and my life is better by having her in it.

Writer's Block: Most memorable concert
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What was the most memorable concert you ever attended? What made it so magical?
Indigo Girls concert at UB last Spring - at this point I'd received my letter of acceptance and was going to see my absolute favorite band with good girlfriends at the university i'd be attending this fall (am currently) and where i'd be able to pursue my dream of becoming a french professor - highly magical, highly wonderful, i sigh every time i walk by that building just knowing that for one evening, amy, emily, my friends and i were all in the same space.  *sigh*

a meme for all of you!
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1. Your Middle Name:
2. Age:
3. Single or Taken:
4. Favorite Movie:
5. Favorite Song or Album:
6. Favorite Band/Artist:
7. Dirty or Clean:
8. Tattoos and/or Piercings:
9. Do we know each other outside of LJ?
10. What's your philosophy on life?
11. Is the bottle half-full or half-empty?
12. Would you keep a secret from me if you thought it was in my best interest?
13. What is your favorite memory of us?
14. What is your favorite guilty pleasure?
15. Tell me one odd/interesting fact about you:
16. You can have three wishes (for yourself, so forget all the 'world peace etc' malarky) - what are they?
17. Can we get together and make a cake?
18. Which country is your spiritual home?
19. What is your big weakness?
20. Do you think I'm a good person?
21. What was your best/favorite subject at school?
22. Describe your accent:
23. If you could change anything about me, would you?
24. What do you wear to sleep?
25. Trousers or skirts?
26. Cigarettes or alcohol?
27. If I only had one day to live, what would we do together? (If you have no idea, just say something crazy, it'll entertain me!)
28. Will you repost this so I can fill it out for you?

Golly these two make me happy :)
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Embedded video from CNN Video

I need a moment to get emotional - French related
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I apologize to those who read this and see it as yet another rehash of my perceived losses, clearly I'm doing something to remedy this, but every now and then I need a moment to purge myself - this is one of those moments.

Something a friend I made in Montpellier during my study abroad experience struck a chord with me...  He and I came out around the same time in France, and we were pretty much in the same level courses during our stay and the same social circle, so I read his "25 things about me" on facebook and was so touched by his honest responses that I left a message.  In turn he replied, asking how I was, asking if I kept up my French and noted that I was "always better" at it than him.  Oh?  Oh.  Wow, so that means at the very least that a mere 6 years ago I was highly revered for my abilities, and now?  Well, I suppose I'm lucky that I haven't lost it altogether, but it's certainly not where it was 6 years ago.  (I can't believe it's been that long - feels like a different lifetime.)

I worry that my French isn't good enough for UB, but I remind myself that regardless of their decision I still have 7 months to work on it and improve, and I can do a lot of catching up in that time. 

Of course, however, my mind is wont to drift to the negative despite the positive and starts to think of all the possibilities...  What if I had gone and taught in France for a year after college?  I was accepted.  Why the f*ck did I think it was such a good idea to stay with Tori instead?  Why did I think it was a good idea to date her in the first place?  Actually, I think it was just because I was trying to get over someone else and she was the first person who paid me any attention.  What a regret.  But!  I have to look at the positive, I learned a lot about myself and grew immeasurably during that time.  Even so...

I know that I need to not think of, not worry about the "what ifs" of the past, and instead concentrate on the "what can be's" of the future, yet every so often my mind drifts back to that place and asks the questions...

As I wrote to Dr McEwen in a letter explaining to her why French and why right now, it does feel like the right time.  Even though I would have to go to Buffalo for the week, and I would miss my family terribly, I wouldn't worry about them being there or loving me, I trust them and their love entirely, which is a great support to have.  I have a new appreciation for education and no longer take it for granted - I used to be quite cocky about it, but I can't be anymore; I've been appropriately knocked back a few pegs.

Ooh, side thought!  Michele recommended to me last night that I check out course syllabi at UB and see what books they're reading so that I can read along too!  This would give me, maybe not an advantage, but an idea of how things flow and at what pace, etc...  Forget being upset, I'm going to go do that!!


omg I love Pristiq
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and I love my newfound enthusiasm for weight loss.  it's only been raging for the past two days, but already I notice a difference in my stomach and arms.  what a great motivator. 

side note: I don't like how Emeril has a penchant for saying, "baby" to his food, it's just odd.

tonight I'm making a white vegetarian chili for dinner.  it's a recipe I found on Sparkpeople (which is helping me track my food intake and exercise) and I'm really excited for us to try it.  I have to run to Wegmans to pick up a few items, and will probably use my being out as an excuse to go to the Y and burn a few calories today.  :)  I found this morning as I was trying to drink coffee with vanilla nut creamer in it that it was too sweet for me - normally, with the amount of creamer that I put in, it wouldn't be sweet enough, and I was so displeased with the taste that I ended up tossing the whole cup after only a few sips.  it not only saved me a lot of calories, but also some fat grams and a miserable cup of coffee too.

I have a translating project that I'm really excited about.  a friend of Michele has family roots that trace back into French Canada, and they have two large books that they don't understand because they don't speak French; so they asked me to translate it for them, and I'm only more than happy to do it :)

what else?  I went out with friends after chorus last night, and despite there not being chicken wings like I was craving, it was a great night.  it's nice to be out with friends and reconnect and see what's going on in everyone's lives.  it's certainly different for me now being an overnight step-mom, but I love being a part of this family, and it's brought me a lot of groundedness and calm that I previously hadn't had.  :) 

ok, it's noon, time for me to get going!  I've slept most of today away...

*hmm, I decidely don't like Emeril, but tuna steak dressed in tapenade over polenta sounds lovely.

a good day :)
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went and saw the dr today and I'm going to stay on pristiq as it worked so well - this makes me happy :)  it took an abnormally long time for me to be seen, so i enjoyed more of "eat, pray, love."  i really like this book.  it's religiously thought provoking, writen in humoristic language, and so easy to transport the reader right next to the author.  i'll be sad when the book ends.  but it'll be a new opportunity to read something else of liz gilbert's!
i'm really proud of myself for not going to mcdonalds after taking care of dawnstar's cats but instead coming home and sticking with my nutrition plan.  i enjoyed hummus and multi-grain flatbread as a snack - it was so tasty i look forward to having it as a snack again.
little man should be home soon and in 30 minutes we'll be off to the Y to exercise, but until then, "queer eye for the straight guy." 
can this day get any better?



~ i send my positive energy out into the universe, ok ub, just say "yes"

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