Drink from that Wishing Well

but may it never quench your thirst

general update
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flnerd
the house is currently creaking and talking to me, but it feels friendly and kind. 
i've been sleeping far too much lately instead of not sleeping at all - which is nice, but unproductive.  yesterday after meeting with friends at muddy waters by The Cinema, michele and i decided to drive to hydesville to find the remnants of the house that the fox sisters lived in, after having seen The House in Hydesville the night before at GEVA.  the piece itself left some to be desired, the actors put themselves wholeheartedly into the performance and were excellent, but the piece itself was disappointing.  so we made the drive to north of newark and found the house, with only its foundations remaining, and then came home to nap for an astonishing four hours.  i love the feeling of just sinking into bed and not coming out, enjoying the feeling of drifting in between consciousness and deep sleep, and especially doing so next to michele.  alas, while running errands today, that feeling stuck with me and i fought to stay awake and remaining coherent while grocery shopping.
i bought a lot of vegetables and fruit today.  on saturday, after little man's meet, and before going to geva, we stopped at the outlet mall and i tried on jeans in old navy.  it wasn't too terribly much of a surprise for me when i fit into size 14 jeans, it was just a terrible surprise that i realized how little i've been caring for myself. 

***
i drank my eight glasses of water today, even with a late start.  i've been watching tv shows that promote health instead of beating myself up (by watching mtv).  we had a nice salad with grilled chicken for dinner, and are currently baking cookies - i need the fortitude to resist, but i believe i can.

relaxing at home tonight
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flnerd
honestly, sometimes being a stay at home mom gets lonely.

i'm about to rant, i realize that some people would love to have the opportunity that i do, but it's a two way street; i might love to have their opportunity as well...

i wake at around 7 or 715 with the family, only to say goodbye to the little man at 745, then i spend the day in bed, doing chores, reading, whatever, then at around 3p three days out of the week  i see the kid for about 45 minutes when he gets home and then driving him to swim practice, exercise by myself for an hour and a half, take him home and do the dinner thing, and then he dissappears into his room for the night popping out only briefly for snacks now and then.  the woman leaves around 715 or 730 in the morning, and doesn't get home until anywhere ranging from 530-7p, after which she needs to eat and usually likes to take a long bath to unwind.  i certainly can't begrudge her for wanting to take a break from the day and enjoy some alone time, but i'm sick of being mostly alone at that point.  we all go to bed around 9pm and then start the cycle over the next day.  i've applied for jobs and even had an interview last week, so if it comes through that would get me out of here and busy, but without a paper or grad school application to fill out, i have no drive or direction.  i kinda feel empty, and like i have nothing to give because i'm not using or creating any energy.  i also looked up volunteering opportunities today and found one that i'd really like to be a part of, helping non-native english speakers learn the language, but that doesn't start up for 6 weeks.  i know that in the fall i'll be attending ub in one way, shape or form, but good golly that's a long wait!  i stink at patience. 

so what i need to do is practice my french for the fall and brush up on my grammar and vocab.  i tend to like the library, but maybe it'd be just as worthwhile to wake up, go to DD and get some hot chocolate, then come home and work at the dining room table.  the option would be to go to DD for the same hot chocolate, go the library and work there.  either way, it can be my new project, i have to get back to delightfully fluent by the fall.

"eat, pray, love" is a really enjoyable read.  i really like what i'm learning about yoga and its practice and the education behind it.  i went to a yoga class today and enjoyed it, i'm sure that next week it'll be even more enjoyable because of what i've read.  the author of the book asserts that in order to heal oneself that you have to find pleasure and beauty and enjoy it, because that's how the little tears will start to mend themselves, so that's where i'll start.  and maybe while i'm working on filling up my internal cup, i'll have more to give :)
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another new day
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flnerd
I switched medication yesterday to the generic version of what I'd been taking, and I spent a sleepless night tossing and turning in bed.  We laid down around quarter to nine, then after what seemed like half a night of having my eyes closed but still being awake, I turned and looked at the clock to see that it was only 1130p.  Ugh.  What's more is that I have to take these pills twice a day and they cost quite a lot; so it's like a double reminder and an expensive one to keep me on par at that - but at least it's available and I don't have to live in agony.

Yesterday I started reading, "The Four Agreements" by don Luis Miguel, which is a book Michele had and uses as her own credo and personal philosophy.  It's spiritually based, so it fits with my newfound quest.  So far so good.  I've only read about the first agreement which is, "Be Impeccable with your Word."  It makes sense, what you throw out comes back to you, so if you throw out good, you'll get back good.

I'm so excited for the inauguration today.  I might even start having American flags up somewhere, or like a sticker on my laptop or something.  I haven't wanted to have anything to do with American memorabilia since Bush stole office 8 years ago, but today we're turning a corner, and finally the person that I voted for the Republicans weren't able to steal the office from!  I pray that only good things find their way to Barack and his family, he doesn't have an easy task in front of him.



To Do:
dishes
last load of laundry

post office
groceries
Y
RWCC
Read - "Eat, Pray, Love", "The Four Agreements"
Watch Inauguration :)


eastern religion ramble
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flnerd
a couple days ago I put a desire of mine to words, and let those words find their way to Michele.  I would really like to explore eastern religions and develop my spirituality in that direction.  I don't really know where to start or what to do, but I know I want to learn.
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day 1
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flnerd
with nothing to do or turn in.

eep.

however I told the family tonight at dinner that if Buffalo says no that I'm going to go one night a week there to take a course and show them just how wonderful I am.  what this will mean, is that I need to spend some time and brush up on my french!  while still fluent, I'm not near what I was able to communicate in college.  no worries, spending time doing what I love? oh yeah, that's real hard.

I miss my long distance friends.  and I'm glad Oliver still has a job.  I had a feeling he'd be fine, but not knowing is still stressful.

eat, pray, love is turning out to be a nice read.  no thoughts to share quite yet, but perhaps when something strikes me.

a good day :)
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today prooved to be a great day :) 

after emailing with my film prof all morning I was able to get out to campus and hand a completed form with my grade for the course to the Registrar.  I GOT AN A-!!!!  I was hoping for an A, really hoping that I would do well, but expecting a C or B, so this A- comes with a very warm welcome into my life.  And now I shouldn't *crosses fingers just in case* have any need to bother the professor anymore.

I have a job interview tomorrow at AIDS Rochester, a place I've been trying to get into for a few years because I really like what they do and how they help the community.  I've used their services before so I partially know what I'm getting myself into.  I need to go over my resume tonight and focus on my positive qualities, and figure out how to turn the not so good ones into opportunities!

I mailed the UB application today, and with a stellar recommendation from Dr McEwen and three graduate grades in the A range, I've got high hopes for admission to their program. 

Driving all over Rochester today wasn't a torture test; in fact, it was actually kind of nice.  I don't want to get my hopes up too high for that one, but it was really nice feeling comfortable and even enjoying driving.  I could get used to that.

My guitar lesson was fabulous.  JD's teaching me the Indigo Girls', "Closer to Fine" at my request.  So far so good!

And at the Library today I took out, eat, pray, love by Elizabeth Gilbert, so I'm really looking forward to digging into that before getting back to academic work.  I now need to piece two essays together and submit them to a journal, just for fun :)

Lastly, I got all the veggies chopped and dinner is cooking away on the stove, it should be ready by the time Michele gets home.  Aside from a few angsty pre-teen moments from the young one, a great day :)

blown away
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flnerd
so my professor sent me a copy of the letter of recomendation she wrote for me, and it was so nice.  I read it to Michele and my mom and they were floored as well.  so often I sell myself short, but Dr McEwen took up the slack for me.  I'm really grateful and now feel more confident about my application.

there was some kind of rumble this morning as the family was leaving the house, and then Little Man almost missed the bus.  Oops!


To Do List:
print out resume at library
mail UB stuff after mail comes to see if ESC transcript is in there
check chicken
cut veggies for soup
dishes
guitar lesson 430-530p


I did it!
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flnerd
I hit the send key, made my payment and am mailing in most everything that's due tomorrow for UB!  While I feel a slight sense of loss, I also knew that this day would come, and now until September it's time to focus on other things.

Dr McEwen gave me some great ideas to help with my resume and is turning in a really nice letter of recomendation, and I just have to hope and pray that UB sees all the potential in me and everything I want to give to their program. 

Now I must focus on landing a job and earning some money!
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flnerd

So at about 730 this morning I received a call from a visible, but unknown number.  After the person left a voicemail, I found that it was my former Spanish professor, Dr McEwen.  Apparently she had a few questions about the letter of recomendation and my resume.  I'm not used to receiving any kind of support so I'm grateful when I do, but it still makes me nervous and has me wondering about my chances of getting to UB after all.  It seems that all of my friends who have applied have gotten in, and Michele believes that with a sagging economy they'd be happy to take me, but it still makes me nervous.

I've been up since about 530a.  Apparently the insomnia comes and goes...

Lunch with friends today and chorus tonight should be a great distraction.  Tomorrow I'll have to let go and send the application.  I'm not pleased with one essay at all and am considering re-writing it entirely.  That or maybe I should just use one of the other ones that ask the same question...

For now I'm just looking around lj for different icons.


to do list
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flnerd
I have roughly 6 hours to myself before Little Man gets home from school. 

To Do:
laundary
dishes
turn in app to Wegmans
work on essays (2 days left!)
shovel driveway (?)
Y (?)
study French
email mark if lor doesn't arrive today - jumped the gun and already did it
general cleaning


*I found out that Mark sent the letter of recommendation directly to UB, so that makes me feel a lot better.  Here I was cursing the postman as last week we received some of our neighbor's mail...

tonight I'll work on my essays and really try to nail them down so that I can send in the application tomorrow.  It's going to be hard to let go of something I've been working on for so long.  Michele and I discussed the timeline last night and were only slightly shocked at the amount of time I've been incubating this.  Almost time to let it go...
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